DannyScript

I was desperately trying find an opportune time to have a really long honest talk with her.
I felt I had come to know her enough.
I was waiting for a special moment that never came; she had outrightly told me after I had relentlessly persisted that she didn’t like going out on dates and all that, plus our crazy daily schedules weren’t helping at all; she was consumed with her final year project work, and my career path as a Telecommunications Engineer wasn’t one that afforded me the luxury of having a lot of time of my hands.

I actually felt I had to wait for “that moment” to come because whether or not it was merely “chemistry”, something was happening between the two of us, and we had to talk it over.
I didn’t like the idea of having such intense conversations over the phone.
I was fully convinced she was well aware of my stance, but I didn’t know hers.

She hadn’t given me a yes, neither had she said no – I guess we were somewhere in between.

Things would have been way easier if she had just halted me in my tracks and made me know that she wasn’t interested in all my advances, but no, we kept going on and on.
It was as if we were in a “relationship” of some sort, but she could pull out anytime, because she had never actually initiated anything with a yes.

I was breaking down..
I couldn’t handle the emotional tsunami anymore..
I just had to know where this was going.
At a point, I called her, and got some answers that sky rocketed my hopes, only to realize in the morning that she had given those answers unawares; apparently, she had been asleep and had “sleep talked’ with me over the phone.
But then, wasn’t I supposed to take all she said when her guard was down as being totally true and honest?

So I decided to confront her..
Since I barely got to see her, I would call and asked if we could talk, if she declined, I didn’t press, I would just find a nice way to end the conversation hoping she hadn’t heard the embarrassing thumping of my heart, my heart beat I was sure was as loud as the sound of a drum.

Then one evening, I mustered all the courage I had left, and sent her several texts and voice notes meticulously pouring out all I wanted to say.

“So won’t you forget this girl already?”, a friend of mine I had confided in would ask with a smirk on his face.
He just didn’t get why I was busily pursuing this lady who didn’t even give me the time of day.

At this point, my crush wasn’t even talking to me, she had been quite offended by my confrontation, for she made it so clear that if there were ever anything I thought was happening between us, she was not the one to blame, for she had not in any deliberate way hinted that she considered being in a relationship with me – Yes, she liked me, but not in the way I wanted her to.

All of this came as a heavy blow, but that confrontation, to me, was a very good decision on my part, for even if I didn’t like the response I got, I finally had some answer to work with; that I had proposed and she had declined.
I didn’t particularly like this outcome, and the disappointment was nerve wrecking, but I finally had some closure, I finally had some clarity.